What if Cars Were Chickens?

As one of the world’s freakiest deviants I have trouble understanding the norm.

For example, I was thinking about chicken this morning. We eat a lot of it in Italy. It’s good here. Even Italian industrial chickens are far and away better than the best American crap chicken. You season them, throw them in the oven, and the skin comes out devoid of fat and crackly like a dry parchment. The inside is juicy, even if you overcook them. They are delicious.

In any case, this morning Martha sent me this news: at a time when Americans are getting sicker than ever from eating things like industrial crap chicken (1 in 6!), the US chooses this time to relax the regulation on inspecting the breast-bloated little buggers. This must make sense to someone, just not me. The argument, as I understand it, is that proper inspection would add a couple cents to the price of a pound of these “eggs on legs” as food writer Gareth Jones calls them. Air chilling chicken is another answer, and the key to great chicken, but that takes too much time (!).

In any case, what I’m really baffled about is the lack of outrage at this act. We chose to benefit from two cents of cheapness while risking our body’s health. I mean, it’s almost not a risk, it’s darned near a certainty.

Izzat nuts? I mean, consider the attitude we have with cars. These things cost tens of thousands of dollars. So we bitch and moan about saving a few hundred dollars when it comes to cars? No, we don’t.

On the surface, what we want in our cars looks a whole lot like our chicken’s breast: we desire them to be big, heavy, and bloated. But really, we want to not have to pay attention during driving so that when we hit the occasional guard rail or other car we will be protected by lots of armor. Screw the price of gas! We will live to drive badly another day!

So I’m thinking: what if there was a new car on the market from a company conglomerate called, say Tyson-Monsanto. It’s the Tyson-Monsanto XT-936. It’s made from all the rubber bands they used to put around rolled newspapers, plus some tin foil from the conspiracy theorists and a little, tiny, motor made by political prisoners in North Korea. It costs $1,237.87 out the door. There is no fuel filling apparatus, the children’s balloon full of gasoline (included!) will last a lifetime.

Would you see automotive pundits jumping up and down, frothing at the mouth when describing such an advance in car technology? Would everybody want one? Not on your life. Because we look at cars different than we look upon our food, don’t we?

There is no comment section on this blog, so I shall comment for you. —> Because it’s a car you moron. Cheap food is a must! Cheap cars, not so much! I mean, it’s our lives you diabolical scumbag! We’re not going to risk dying in such a deathtrap! Health is one thing, death another!

See what I mean? Why are we like this? When did we lose the connection between health and life?

Stuff Worth Reading (or Retching Over)

What the Cluck?! Feds Relax Oversight of Industrial Poultry

Chicken News. ‘Eggs on Legs’ and More

What if Cars Were Chickens? originally appeared on WanderingItaly.com , updated: Sep 02, 2017 © .

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