Thanks to the Vatican we now have knowledge of the Vatican’s brand new Virtual Sistine Chapel, an inspired bit of work.
Yes, there’s finally a Sistine Chapel in which a simple flick of your mouse can turn the thing any which way, allowing you to peer at the frescoes or gawk at the the floor decorations. You can gleefully zoom into your favorite figure about to be dispatched to purgatory or her breasts.
I like it.
Ok, I hear you say, “but it can’t beat the real thing!”
Well, yeah. I know the feeling. I had it when I visited Lascaux II. The zing isn’t really there when you know something is fake. Compared to the caves I’ve visited in the Dordogne that were actually ancient, a gaze, or even a long stare at the admittedly well-executed fakery didn’t do much for my soul—or even my amazement.
But the virtual Sistine Chapel is different. I’ve been to the Sistine Chapel. You wait outside for a long time. When your time comes, you’re herded inside. It’s like a cattle pen in there, except prettier. There are guys in uniform at the front whose job it is to shush you and say “no photography” about every 22 seconds, or about every 2,500 shutter clicks. Nobody shushes at all. Emboldened by the lack of gunshots behind the “no photography” pronouncements, weaselly folks start yanking cameras out of purses and pockets, shooting away at will. Flash on Captain, full speed ahead!
I truly admire anyone who can have a spiritual experience inside such a carnival funhouse. At least the virtual Sistine Chapel is devoid of dimwits, allowing the quiet and lengthy contemplation that should come from viewing such masterful, odd, and disturbing works of art. It’s like the Lascaux thing in reverse. Where Lascaux tries to substitute a fake experience for the real thing, the virtual Sistine Chapel gives a new context to the whole experience of viewing the art.
I’m not saying you’ll like it. You might say it’s not like the original because the colors are not exactly as the artist intended—but how do you know? You might be looking at the virtual Sistine Chapel on your .47 inch iWatch screen and wondering what the fuss is all about because you really can’t make out much and we know the people who make the iWatch always make a perfect product—so perfect in fact that people sleep in the middle of streets for days for the privilege of being first to own one. So dammit it must be the web page that is programed wrong.
But heck, whatever you use to look at stuff on the internet—knock yourself out. Or see the flash version of the Virtual Sistine Chapel. It’s darned awesome. The Vatican done good.