I recently participated in a lively twitter discussion centered around solutions to the airline security issues currently facing international fliers.
After thinking about the problem for a while, I have distilled the essence of the solution into but two words: Diaphanous Gowns.
(We should work on the word “Diaphanous” because it is a word you seldom hear unless you’re prone to sucking the sap outta those bodice-ripper novels you (used to?) find in supermarket check-out lanes. Diaphanous “is of so fine a texture as to be transparent or characterized by extreme delicacy of form.”)
Wouldn’t it be nice to see travelers in clothing of fine texture? Wouldn’t it really, really, help the underpaid guys with the guns to actually see through clothing? Bag o’ explosives diaper-pinned to your jockeys? Visible! Ha ha! Nice try!
Make diaphanous gowns a requirement for international travel and the benefits pile up like dust in unswept corners.
But the benefits of such gownage goes deeper than airline security. The fact that a diaphanous gown weighs practically nothing would make airplanes lighter, thus more fuel efficient. (Prices for a ticket would plummet of course.) Plus, being infinitely thin, requiring fliers to don diaphanous gowns would cut the need for those ginourmous seats they put in steerage class. They could make airplane seats narrower, thus saving even more weight and allowing even more room for that all-important Duty-Free cart to come rambling through the cabin. Imagine how nice it would be to slide diaphanously into your snugly seat!
Do you see? It’s all good!
And don’t get me started on the benefits of wearing diaphanous gowns when it comes time to join the mile-high club. OK?