FINA, SHMINA - Shouldn't Pros Be Swimming Nude?

Perhaps you haven’t heard. The FINA World Championships (swimming) are being held in Rome, Italy these days.

Now, it’s a sporting event, so the news folks will be out there looking for controversy. They evidently haven’t found any juicy drug rumors, so this year’s world championship controversy will center around high performance swim suits.

You see, the new suits folks swim in are scientifically designed to slide through water with the slickness of a snake oil salesman’s tongue.

Last year, 108 world marks were set, off the charts even in an Olympic year with all the top swimmers in peak form. ~ Swimsuit issue: Sport’s leaders say ‘Not so fast’

Yep, FINA is worried. After all, it’s becoming a race of suits against the have-nots, sorta like in health care and banking.

So why in heaven’s name isn’t FINA proposing to eliminate all the outside variables?

Nude is the only way to go. It was good enough for the Olympics—or at least it was right after Orsippus of Megara’s girdle just happened to slip from his pulsating loins as he was winning the footrace. Let’s bring that back.

Then you’d know that the FINA world championships were being run right now, wouldn’t you? And I’d suppose you’d actually pay attention when the underwater cameras started focusing on the synchronized swimming, too.

You cad.

FINA, SHMINA - Shouldn't Pros Be Swimming Nude? originally appeared on , updated: Jul 23, 2009 © .

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