Beware the Bicerin

If you are a savvy tourist, you’ll know that a Bicerin is a drink widely known and produced in the beautiful baroque caffes of the city of Turin or Torino. (It’s the same city, pretty much.) Like the Marche’s Moretta, the Bicerin is a layered coffee drink. Unlike the Moretta, it is non alcoholic, relying only upon chocolate and whole milk to seduce and significantly alter the minds of consumers.

bicerin nose pictureWandering Italy has recently learned of a malady widely associated with the coffee delight known as “Bicerin.” Scientists have begun to call it “Naso di Bicerin” or Bicerin Nose. A significant case is shown in the picture you see to the left, provided to us by a close and concerned relative who gave us permission to display it as a warning to all peoples.

It is not enough, these scientists claim, to ignore the brown nose smudge which appears to disappear when wiped gently with a soft cloth.

“Note the general environment in which the subject has decided to place himself after obviously consuming at least one Bicerin,” Dr. Bruno Muso pointed out in reply to our query. “In Italy, a male who has perched himself in front of a shop that displays such fanciful purses is widely believed to be in a particular kind of male crisis. A malady, you might say. Italian law prohibits me from going further into this inquiry.”

When pressed, Dr. Muso offered our faithful readers this explanation: “You see, normally upon consuming a Bicerin or two, the consumer is seduced by its creamy and magical, um, toxins so to speak. He starts to hear Viennese waltzes inside his head. He wishes he were wearing skin-tight pants made of shiny fabric. He yearns to place a frilly, powdered wig upon his head. These salacious thoughts are instantly erased once the scent of the Bicerin is lost. However (here Muso raises both finger and voice emphatically) if the merest molecule is left on or near one’s naso, even more bizarre desires erupt!”

Dr. Muso, clearly passionate about the subject, then began to recite a long list of symptoms and examples in rat-a-tat Italian that soon crescendoed out of control—plaster being dislodged from the medieval hospital in which he is sequestered—until some quite ornery looking specimens of physical perfection (male, that is, and big…) came to see what was happening. When it became obvious that bedlam awaited, we’ve decided not to record the final section of this interview.

But be warned anyway. Wear protection. It’s the only nose you have. And use a wallet. It’s far more practical than a purse although a tad less attractive. Usually.

Beware the Bicerin originally appeared on , updated: Oct 20, 2017 © .

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