Don't Get Nervous Boarding Your Airplane

It’s forever onwards and upwards at the TSA. Today my morning was spoiled by the news that the TSA was now conducting “random behavioral screening” at an airport near you.

Hmmmm, more minimum wage psychiatrists on the other side of the rolling rubber mat?

Once in Frankfurt I had to transfer to an American run airline to make my way into Italy. The gate wasn’t listed anywhere, and the folks at the help counter had no idea where I had to go.

So I ran around Frankfurt with my carry-on full of cameras and a laptop over my shoulder and my backpack on my back, looking for the danged gate. Turns out they had moved the US airlines gates to some basement so that they could install the stupid redundant screening stuff the US does to make American passengers feel like they’re being protected by their government. We’d already done the drill, but now, late to my gate and running like hell, I had to stop. The shoe station was just ahead.

Yes, a whole station devoted to having passengers remove their shoes. You ever try this simple act while still keeping your bags on your back while the sweat is running in multiple rivers down your brow?

Well, that was me.

Then there was the other redundant station that we were forced to go through once again. I put my bags through, exposing the huge lake that had formed on the back of my shirt.

Finally, with minutes to spare, I made it to the gate, where I had to show my passport for the umpteenth time.

Of course there was a problem with it.

Yes, someone had to make a call because the person standing before them—angry at an airport which couldn’t remember where they had stashed the US airlines and sweating like a frozen beer glass in a steam factory—looked like he could very well be an exceedingly nasty person. (And believe me, I’ve never worked for FOX “news”.)

I was cleared in five minutes. I have no idea why and the powers with the cell phones weren’t talking.

Today, under the same conditions, I might not have made my plane.

But that’s water under the bridge. Yes, I’m upset that more and more hoops are being placed before people who are about to suffer the indignity of being folded up into the smallest possible seats on a plane. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why governments insist on making enemies of foreigners rather than talking things out and sorting out cultural differences. It’s not like everyone has a penchant for killing themselves in a fiery plane crash for no reason. Why give them one?

Read: TSA Now Conducting Random Behavioral Screening and come to your own conclusions. Mine are just the mad rantings of a frequent traveler with issues. It’s those damned sweat glands. The thought of the little buggers is now terrifying. Thanks TSA!

Don't Get Nervous Boarding Your Airplane originally appeared on , updated: Jul 25, 2008 © .

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