Fake Balsamic Vinegar · Jul 13, 08:49 AM by James Martin
I remember fondly a joke—or perhaps more of a cultural observation—made by Johnny Carson. Remember him? It went something like this:
Scientists have recently discovered the smallest smallest unit of time that can be measured. However, this record has been broken. The smallest unit of time is now the time between a New York traffic light turning green and the taxi behind you honking.
I think there should be a new “shortest” unit of time. It’s the time between an artisanal slow food becoming popular and the industrial crap food producers producing a really awful rendition of it for cheap. The masses gobble this stuff up, most not even having a clue as to how absolutely fabulous the real stuff is. It’s the latest thing; they must have tasted it to keep up with the crowd.
It’s that way, certainly, with balsamic vinegar. The real stuff takes years to make; each year the rapidly darkening liquid picks up the scent of different woods as it’s transferred from larger barrel to smaller barrel. (You can learn about and witness the laborious process at the Balsamic Vinegar Museum in Spillamberto. The ghostly picture to the right of a bottle of balsamic vinegar was taken there.)
You won’t believe how it tastes. Your taste buds will never be the same. Like your tongue seeks out a cavity in your teeth, your buds will forever search for the real Balsamic. Honest.
But the industrial crap, made from distilled rice vinegars to which caramel flavorings and color, has been responsible for the real Balsamic’s fall; producers say they’ve suffered “60 million euros a year in lost revenue” according to Italy Magazine
I wonder how they know that folks would shell out for the real stuff? I mean, people like cheap. It makes no difference that a single drop of real Balsamic Vinegar has more flavor than a liter of crap vinegar, folks are enamored with the price per unit weight. Most people even buy cars this way, although it’s way more expensive to make a light, efficient car than a poorly designed heavy one.
Ok people, I’m gonna say this just once. Get a grip. Indulge your taste sensations. Go to Italy and buy a small vial of some real 15 year old Balsamic Vinegar. Use it as a touchstone to your time on the boot, one of the scents you must smell in Italy.
You’ll wake up in the morning glad you did. It will improve your sex life, too. I promise. And my promise is as good as any promise in a television commercial.
I promise.
Fake Balsamic Vinegar originally appeared on WanderingItaly.com Jul 13, 2010, © James Martin, 
Pistoia's Castle John Paul Was Here (Civita Castellana)
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